Possibly the biggest breakthrough ever in the advance of Awesome Science, Professor Fred P. Parkenfarker recently unveiled his discovery in his groundbreaking paper entitled Scientology: The Art of Suck. In this he reveals that he recently made the following discovery. It has been widely known that the basic matter in a Scientologist, the quark, is full of pink elephants, commonly known as Stupid Particles. But by using new technology previously unavailable to science, Professor Parkenfarker was able to get the closest look to date at these minute particles. This is where the discovery was made. What he found was a difference in the particles themselves. The pink elephants were not only stupid, but they were also obviously RETARDED. This makes Scientologists even more unique in the amount of stupidity they possess. Such a level of stupidity (referred to by the Professor as "Suck") was previously not known to exist.